The Relationship Equation: Part 3-You Need Friends

You Need Friends

We are in a series entitled “The Relationship Equation!”

John 15:13-14, 13  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.  14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.ESV

I was walking through the mall recently and went into a bracelet shop….there were tons of bracelets in the place, and you could make your own “Friendship Bracelet”  to which I found out was made extremely popular by all the Swifties…which that is a whole cultural phenomenon.

Yet here is what I know: according to “The State of American Friendship Survey,” friendship in America is in a rapid decline.

This decline has attracted the attention of many sociologists and cultural leaders. Even Simon Sinek is writing and speaking extensively on the subject.

I believe Scripture has a lot to say about Relationships, especially in the area of Friendship.

  1. The Downturn in the Economy of Friendship
    • We are suffering culturally from a Friendship Recession…
    • This recession began in 1990…
      1. % of Amercians who say they have the following number of close friends, not counting their relatives…
      2. In 2021 12% said they have no close friends compared to 1990 which was 3%
      3. In 2021 13% said they have two or more close friends compared to 1990 which was 9%

2. According to National research…

Over the past 3 decades, the number of close friends Americans have has plummeted…it seems to be true of every demographic except one &                  I’ll deal with that one demographic in a bit…

  • It seems that in our Country more and more people are spending more and more time alone…
  • 46% say they experience Loneliness or 43% say the friendships they have are not fulfilling or satisfying…their friendships are superficialThese number are impacting men at a 2 to 1 rate more than women….
  • 15% of men say they do not have one friend that they would call in a crisis or to celebrate a big event in their lives…
  • Here is the crazy thing…”you’d think that if someone was lonely or experiencing loneliness they’d be more likely to reach out to others and meet new people…but according to research…the opposite is true…the more lonely you are the more you draw back.

The bible is a relationship book and some of the greatest wisdom found about relationship and friendships is found in the book of Proverbs.

Prov 18:1, 18 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. ESV

  • Loneliness is the only ache in humanity that came before the fall…before Adam sinned God said, “It is not good that man is alone…” can I just tell you it is still not good for humans to be alone….
  • Here is the mind blowing thing…God walked with Adam…and God knew Adam still needed community with another person…
  • So when people say, “All I need is God, I understand it, but scripture would tell us differently…”
  • Friendships is the cure for loneliness…
  • Research tells us that 8 minutes in personal conversation with another person will cause you to not feel alone…
  • Simon Sinek says, He has friends that will text each other and ask, “Do you have 8 minutes” which has become their signal for needing to defeat aloneness.
  1. Power in Friendship
  • Friendship can be and are so Powerful…Powerful good and powerful evil based on the right motives and choices of friendships.
  • Jesus had different type and depths of Friendships
    • One example would be, Jesus seemingly went to Lazarus, Mary and Martha’s house more than anybody else’s home….
    • Maybe the friendship make that home more comfortable for Jesus…
  • Usually when you walk into someone’s home they will often times say, “Make yourself at home…” based on the level of relationship determines how much you make yourself at home. I think Jesus truly made himself at home at His friends Lazarus’ house. C. Ryle said, “Friendships halves our troubles and doubles our joys.”
    • There is power in friendship
    • C S. Lewis wrote to a lifelong friend, Author Greeves and this is what he said: “Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly, to me it is the chief happiness in life.”

Luke 11:5-10, 5 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves,  6 for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’;  7 and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything’?  8 I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence he will rise and give him whatever he needs.  9 And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ESV

There is so much in this passage of scripture that has such depth but I want to glance across the surface and see how Jesus simply framed friendship and the things you get from Powerful Friendships.

  5 Added Values of the Right Friends. 5 Things Are Found in Your Life by having the Right Friends in Your life

  1. Navigation – Going in the same direction. We all need friends who are going in the same direction as we are in life…
    • Prov 27:9, 9  Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. ESV
    • Prov 11:14, 14 Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances. (MSG)
    • How great it is when you have friends who help you make the right decision… The win however is not he right decision alone…the win is having a friend talk it through with me to arrive to a decision…
  3. Celebration – We all need a friend who can truly celebrate with us…
    • Rom 12:15-16, 15 Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. (MSG)
    • I think we are truly good at sharing tears with those who are down or those who are weeping… I think it is more difficult for some to celebrate with friends who are celebrating…
    • One of my prayers is that I will be a friend that can truly do both…weep with those friends of mine who are weeping and Celebrate authentically and genuinely with those who have something to Celebrate…
    • Prov 17:17  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. ESV
    • Author Drew Hunter in his book “The Lost Art of Friendship” said, “A joy unshared is a joy unfulfilled and a joy shared is a joy that is doubled.”
  4. Formation – Friends for better or worse help form us…I recall when the boys were pre-teens I could tell which friends they had spent time with…because they would take on some of the mannerisms as well as some of language.
    • Prov 13:20, 20 Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces. (MSG)
    • Show me your 5 closest friends and I can show you your future….
    • When we have good friends, godly friends, healthy friendships those relationships help us in our own journey…
    • Prov 27:17, 17 You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another. (MSG)
    • When it comes to formation you need friends who are allowed to be completely honest and transparent in our lives…
    • When I think of sharpening and shaping an object…
      1. It creates friction at times…
      2. It creates heat at times…
      3. But to be truly sharpened…the blade has to be sharpened evenly
    • James 5:13-16
      1. This is a powerful passage of scripture and when we read it we often don’t consider friendship within this text….
      2. But this passage tells us that Forgiveness come from God…
      3. But often times healing is found in healthy and strong friendships…These things are monumental in our friendships….I’m sure all of us could look back over our lives and see incredible relationships that have helped for us…
  5. Intervention – we all need people who can intervene in our lives and stop us from going off the rails…a true friend is invaluable to intervene.
    • We all need someone who can cut through the static…
    • We have to give people permission and honestly an invitation to your friends to stop us from doing a piece of stupid…
    • Prov 27:5-6 Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. NKJV
    • Most of the time we are afraid to intervene in decisions of our friends because we are afraid, we’ll hurt their feelings…
    • A great example of this kind of intervention is when the Great Apostle Paul confronts the Apostle Peter…
      1. Paul went straight to Peter…he didn’t go to everyone else…we never read that he had discussions about Peter…
      2. I believe Paul was a great friend to both Peter and the Church because he went and spoke directly to him…
    • Collaborator –
      1. having friends who we can collaborate with is extremely vital…
      2. I love how the Apostle Paul continually points in his letters and comments about those whom He collaborated with…
    • Rom 16:1-16, 16 I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church at Cenchreae, 2 that you may welcome her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints, and help her in whatever she may need from you, for she has been a patron of many and of myself as well. 3 Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4 who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well. 5 Greet also the church in their house. Greet my beloved Epaenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in Asia. 6 Greet Mary, who has worked hard for you. 7 Greet Andronicus and Junia, my kinsmen and my fellow prisoners. They are well known to the apostles, and they were in Christ before me. 8 Greet Ampliatus, my beloved in the Lord. 9 Greet Urbanus, our fellow worker in Christ, and my beloved Stachys. 10 Greet Apelles, who is approved in Christ. Greet those who belong to the family of Aristobulus. 11 Greet my kinsman Herodion. Greet those in the Lord who belong to the family of Narcissus. 12 Greet those workers in the Lord, Tryphaena and Tryphosa. Greet the beloved Persis, who has worked hard in the Lord. 13 Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother, who has been a mother to me as well. 14 Greet Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Patrobas, Hermas, and the brothers who are with them. 15 Greet Philologus, Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas, and all the saints who are with them. 16  Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you. ESV
    • Paul lists so many people who we know very little about but Paul knew the value of collaborating with them…Others that were so valuable to Paul were
      1. Barnabus
      2. Timothy
      3. Titus
      4. Silas
      5. In Col.4:4 “Paul mentions his collaboration with Luke, the Dr. who wrote the Gospel of St. Luke along with the book of Acts….Even in Acts 19:31 “Paul called these officials in Asia friends of his…” and he collaborated with these friends.
    • R. Tolkien was criticized by everyone when he shared his idea of “The Lord of the Rings and The Hobit” as he shared the idea of walking trees, creating an Elf language, and so many other things Tolkien was creating…except one person who said, “I am provoked in my imagination by your work Mr. Tolkien” C.S. Lewis Tolkien said after C.S. Lewis died…for years C.S. Lewis was my only audience…because of his constant encouragement and unceasing imagination…I would have never created my work without his friendship and collaboration.

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