The Relationship Equation: Part 1-Friendships

The Relationship Equation Part – 1

Theme:  As we enter the month of February, I want to begin a series of conversations about The Relationship Equation, but more focused on Friendships.  I know February is the Love month…which is in contrast to January which is known as divorce month.

But I want to delve into the idea of Friendships…

John 15:11-17, 11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.  14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.  15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.  16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.  17 These things I command you, that you love one another. NKJV

These are some very powerful words from Jesus…these are some of the last lessons that Jesus taught His disciples.

  • Jesus was giving these guys a clear understanding of their relationship…that it was going to be based on Friendship…
  • Now this was followed after a 3 and ½ year relationship with these guys doing life with Jesus and giving themselves to what Jesus had committed themselves to.
  • Also, this relationship was on the verge of being strained and put to the test…

Relationship or Relationships means:  “the way in which tow or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, o the state and process of being connected”

Friendship – in the biblical Greek the word Friendship cannot be separated from the idea of endearment or a belonging to at some level…

A friend is someone you can trust unconditionally and who will be there for you when you need them.

  • The feels and feelings of friendship come from investing in the relationship.
  • Friendships shouldn’t be transactional, but rather a feeling of confidence that your friend will be there for you when you need them.
  • If you ever want to test a friendship you might ask…why are we friends and don’t get offended if they can’t answer immediately…they may need time to process.
  • So, we are going to explore this idea of Friendship…and eventually get to what it means for God and you to be friends.

The bible has a lot to say about relationships and friendships…relationships come in different styles, seasons and from unexpected places….

Prov 17:17, 17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. NKJV

Prov 27:6, 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. NKJV

Prov 27:17, 17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. NKJV

I. Being God’s Friend

  1. Jesus told His disciples, “I call you friends…”
    1. That phrase is an interesting phrase because it means: “A friend at court.”  “inner circle” around an king….
    2. The best Old Testament illustration of this is Abraham…God is about to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and God said…”Let me first go tell my friend Abraham what I’m about to do in the earth.”
  2. Our friendship with God / Jesus involves love, obedience and knowledge…”he lets you in on His plans.”
    1. Without question He’s the Master, but He doesn’t treat us as servants…he treats us as friends….

In the weeks ahead, we will dive deeper into this idea of being God’s friend as we explore friendship.

II.We All Need Friends

  1. We all need friends…deep friendships…
    1. I have been extremely blessed to have had a close friend in my life for the past 52 years…that I could call at anytime…
    2. He is someone who will Celebrate with me…which is huge…because not all friends will…and he will cry and pray with me…that is also huge…because many will cry, but not all will pray.
    3. The world today is seeing increased levels of anxiety, stress, depression, loneliness…
    4. Friendship solves that issue…true friendships…you will have moments of feeling lonely, but a friend you reach out to will make you know you are not alone…
    5. Feeling lonely and being alone are two different things…
    6. If you are asked if you are a good friend most of us would say yes…but when we peel back the layers and ask I find I’m a pretty junky friend… “would you cancel on a friend for a meeting or cancel a meeting for a friend.”

FYI…Friendship is bigger than You!

III. Jesus Built a Team Who Became Friends

  1. The text I read in John was Jesus addressing His team…his circle…
  2. Jesus’ ministry was all about the 12 not the 5,000…it wasn’t either/or it truly was both/and…but Jesus knew He had to invest his life in these 12!
  • Jesus had the crowds…5,000….
  • Disciples….120
  • Workers of the Ministry….70
  • Disciples….12
  • Inner Circle…3

c. Each group received different levels of access….

  • So not every friend gets the same access…
  • You get to choose who and how friends get access to You…

d. It was about Jesus choosing and investing in his team….so how do you choose your friends?         These are those you’re going to give a front-row seat to…

  1. Front row to your life
  2. Front row to your heart
  3. Front row to your thoughts…

Now I will confess…In the past I haven’t done this well because I share my heart with people way too easily because I believe the best in people and 8 out of 10 times it bites me…but those other 2 times are awesome…

  1. I get to see people fly and grow
  2. I get to see them reach their dreams and potential in Christ…
  3. I get to know who they know…and it is awesome.

Noah had a couple of skunks on his boat and Jesus had a Judas…so just know not all relationships will be what you hope them to be.

IV. 3 Kinds of Relationships

  1. Confidants – someone you can trust and be transparent with.
    • These are Jesus’ three…Peter, James and John…they saw things others didn’t, heard what others did not…experienced what others only dreamed about.
    • If you have 3 in a lifetime, you’ve done as good as the Son of God
    • These are the ones that are really with you
      1. If you go up, they go up with you…
      2. If you go down, they’ll go down with you, so there is someone down there to pick you back up
    • One of the things I have learned over the years…everyone can value your anointing but not everyone can handle your humanity
      1. Your confidants can accept you when you’re not anointed. They value your humanity; not just your giftings.
      2. These guys, confidants, can handle your humanity.
      3. These are the ones that when you are with them you can behave like you would if you were by yourself.
      4. Your confidants are committed to you, not your calling, your ministry, your assignment…You!
  2. Constituents
    • They are with the cause, not you
      1. They’ll confuse you because they behave just like a confidant, but they are there because of the cause not because of you.
      2. Let me explain: if it furthers their agenda or their personal growth, they’ll leave you in a heartbeat to further their cause.
      3. It wasn’t about you; it was about what you could do or provide for them
    • The difference between the confidant and the Constituent is motive. They do the same things but for different reasons…and it’s not bad…it is what it is and it’s okay.
      1. One is with you no matter what…
      2. Both are working beside you
      3. Both are praying for you
      4. Both are Advancing the cause
      5. One however will leave you if they think they can be advanced quicker with someone else….
    • It is unrealistic to think you’ll have a room full of confidants
      1. So, you have to learn to say by and not be bitter…
      2. You have to be able to leave a place and person and it not be made into a personal deal…
      3. Sometimes your feelings are on one level while God has placed you at a New Level and Prepared you for a New Platform…Other times God has done the same for someone else and they will walk out of your life, and it is okay…

You Cannot Have a Personal Attitude in a Professional Place…

    3. Comrades

  1. There is yet another category of relationships and friends…they are Comrades
  2. These guys are for what you are against
    • Not for you
    • Not for your cause
    • It’s all about the fight
  3. The Pharisees and Sadducees hated each other…despised each other and were always at odds with each other…but then Jesus showed up…they both came together to question Jesus.
  4. These friends never betrayed you because they were never your friend
  5. Jesus had comrades…David had comrades…everyone needs comrades.
  6. Here is a caution:
    • If you ever confide in a comrade, when the fight is over, they’ll use what you told them in private to now fight you in public.

  4. Friends

  1. Everyone needs real genuine true friends…
  2. Jesus had Peter, James and John…
    • John would love Jesus no matter what
    • James would organize Jesus’ world
    • Peter would cut people’s ears off if they came after Jesus…
    • I don’t want you to analyze your friends…you’ll mess it up…I want you to ask yourself this question: What kind of friend am I?
    • There was a country song that came out several years ago…and one of the lyrics said this: “I became a friend that a friend would like to have…” Are you that kind of friend…one a friend would like to have….

Prov 18:24, 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. NKJV

  • We always preach, read and teach that the second part of this verse is speaking of Jesus…and possibly so…but I also think it is speaking about the kind of Friend we need to strive to become.
  • See guys each of you have a destiny to fulfill, a God calling…and God created it so you can’t accomplish by yourself…you need people…you need friends.

Slap Three People and Tell Them: I NEED YOU!

you part of Jesus’ inner circle…”A Jesus friend in the Court of public opinion”  meaning you’d be found guilty of being a true friend of God….

We call a prayer to give our lives to Jesus a sinner’s prayer…it might be better described as an introduction to your new best friend. 

 

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