Family Fight Round 5: Against the Ropes

Family Fight V: Against the Ropes

Uncommon  Marriage

Ps 128;  128 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! 2 You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. 3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. 4 Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. 5 The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! 6 May you see your children’s children! Peace be upon Israel! ESV

Introduction:  Family Fight 5 – “Learning to Fight for vs. Fighting With Your Family”

Last week Keith kicked us off with Psalm 28 and the Fear of the Lord…

Show Pictures from the James Webb Telescope…

• When you have a biblical worldview and realize God is the one who created all of this, yet his thoughts and gaze is upon us…WOW that creates some Fear and Awe of how great and good God is.
• Neil deGrasse Tyson a renowned Astrophysicist says the probability of Us, we as Humans being here on earth is: 1 in 10 to the 29^th Power…
• So with those probabilities from our leading scientists who don’t believe in God…I’d say they have more faith than I do…it makes me think about some things.
  • I want to do life with someone who sees God as I do…
  • Who understands the Kingdom of God is our Purpose
  • Someone who also Fears God and desires to walk in His ways
• See what I believe is most of the Problems in the world can be traced directly back to the breakdown of the family.
  • Yet, God said, “Be fruitful and Multiply.”
  • Yet what is the purpose…is it to fill the earth with people or was it to fill the earth with Image Bearers…
  • The goal of the family is to replicate the Image of God in history, rather than to simply for a happy place to call home.
  • The purpose of Children is not merely to create look a likes, but to produce children who will reflect the image of God throughout the World.

Title:  Today we are going to look at Uncommon Transition: Marriages…Family begins when a man and a woman say I do at the Altar of Marriage…Family doesn’t begin when you introduce Children…Children are a blessed addition to the Family.
Here is why this is of value to me:  If the Family begins at marriage…then the Altar of Marriage is where the family revolves…if the Family begins with the introduction of Kids…then the family revolves around the children.

The Scripture says, “Marriage is like a Vine” The word Like tells us the author is using an Analogy…but how is the Wife or Marriage like a Vine or vineyard.

1. Cultivated
   1. To cultivate is to promote growth with labor, skill, and attention.
      1. You can’t force fruit…
      2. You just create the right environments and circumstances for fruit to be produced

• When you consider the analogy of a vine or vineyard…it takes 3 years of cultivation of a grapevine before you see the results…or the growth of all your labor
  1. This lets us know our mindset toward our spouse and marriage must be one of patience and understanding the need for the marriage to develop.

1. Oftentimes when I do a wedding at the very end I’ll hand the bride and groom a Seed or bulb…I tell them that today you received the seed of a marriage…today you had a wedding…but what you plant and tend to this seed with will determine the marriage you will have.

1. What are we doing to Cultivate our Marriages?
   1. In preparing for this message and a series I did many years ago on John 15 about the Vine…I learned that Vineyards are broken down into Blocks and Seasons…
   2. So different blocks and seasons need different attention throughout the course of the vineyard.

• Our marriages are segmented into different blocks and seasons…needing different cultivation throughout.

1. You may ask Pastor how do we know what block and or season we are in…
   1. You do that by Doing Check-ins…
   2. But never do these during date nights…trust me it is a great way to mess up date night. Date nights are to be light, fun, and filled with dreams.

Transition:  Personally, I can’t think of the word Cultivate without thinking of the Word Culture…

• What is the culture like in your home?
• Culture comes from values…so what are your values as a family…
• Galatians 5:22-23-22-23 TPT
• But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of spirit. Never set the law above these qualities, for they are meant to be limitless.

1. Cling
   1. Vines cling so they can grow….
      1. By clinging it gives the vine staying power….
      2. Till death do we part power….

• Marriage should have a never say die spirit about it

1. But How
   1. You have to back up to the 127^th Psalm to see the How….
   2. Ps 127:1; 127 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. ESV

• We need God’s Power, not Will Power…this begins by a reliance upon the Holy Spirit to help build our homes…

1. Psalm 128 says, “The Lord will bless you out of Zion…”
   1. We see marriage from God’s perspective not from this world’s point of view.
2. Harvard University did a study under the name “Human flourishing” and the study revealed some interesting things.
   1. Divorce rates go down by 35% – 50% if those couples are actively involved in a local church.
   2. The study gave many dismissive reasons why they think these results have surfaced…but they did have to admit…” when people see themselves as the Church, not just being religious, they find this kind of results in marriages.

Transition:  We have to cultivate our marriages, we then cling…vines Cling so they can climb.

• Climb
  1. Picture of the largest grapevine in the world found in Surry England
     1. They say the trunk is 13 feet around.
     2. They have measured 100-foot-long runs

• The vine is estimated to be over 200 years old.

1. Notice in the picture…the vine is this large and healthy because it has something to climb….
2. Marriage is one of God’s tools to help you grow personally and climb…
   1. Matt 5:1-2

5 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down 2 and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

1. You and your spouse are to be climbing companions…growing together and individually…

• A Grapevine that doesn’t have something to grow upon is a pile of mush…looks like a scrambled-up bush…oh yea it may produce a few grapes, but nothing compared to what it should if the vine could Climb and Grow.

1. The most noted and abused, I might add, verse in the bible about marriage is Ephesians 5…the relationship between Husband and Wife begins with verse 15, not with verse 21…and early on it makes a wine, vine reference tying back to Psalm 128…
   1. Eph 5:15-29; 15 Act like people with good sense and not like fools. 16 These are evil times, so make every minute count. 17 Don’t be stupid. Instead, find out what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t destroy yourself by getting drunk, but let the Spirit fill your life…21 Honor Christ and put others first. 22 A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord…25 A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it…28 In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself. CEV

Transition:  So why the Cultivating, the Clinging, the Climbing…We do it for the Clusters.

1. Clusters
   1. Fruit…our marriages should produce fruit and be fruitful…
      1. Interestingly though…the best vines in the world only produce fruit 100 – 150 days out of the year…and this is if every condition is right….
   2. We have been talking about Marriage as if it were a Vine, not clusters of Grapes…but it is for what the vine and the grapes produce which is the Wine.
   3. You can’t get wine without the Fruit being Crushed…
      1. So the hard times, the dry seasons, the broken times, the heartaches and disappointments…it’s all apart of the process…
   4. Did you know the average bottle of wine has 1,402 crushed grapes in it…
      1. That is a lot of small things that’ll produce the wine of a beautiful marriage…
      2. They tell me Wine gets better over time…just like marriages should get better over time.
   5. Practical Helps
      1. A relationship is growing, living and breathing. It needs ongoing attention and nurture to thrive. “One of the great illusions of our time is that love is self-sustaining. It is not. Love must be fed and nurtured, constantly renewed. That demands ingenuity and consideration, but first and foremost, it demands time.” “In every marriage the two dynamic forces are love, which seeks to draw the couple together, and anger, which tends to drive them apart.”

1. Every year we may make resolutions, create personal growth plans and set goals…but have you ever done that for your marriage…
   1. Create a personal growth plan for your marriage!
   2. Set goals for your relationship!

• Establish and review a couple of habits and goals!

1. Here’s a Plan
   1. Every six months or so
      1. Take a mini vacation…you as couples
      2. Review spending/savings plans
      3. Compare perspectives, dreams, hopes, and fears
      4. Agree to try something new
   2. Once a Month
      1. Spend the day together
      2. Spend a day alone by yourself
      3. Give each other a gift
      4. Visit with friends

• Once a Week
  1. Eat a meal together
  2. Take a walk
  3. Enjoy an activity together
  4. Attend Church and/or Small Group Together
  5. Take a break from technology: Computer, phone, social media.
  6. Share a special snack together: popcorn, ice cream, chocolate, etc.

1. Every Day
   1. Find ways to communicate, compliment, express value, laugh, play and have fun together…