Family Fight Round 4: Week #2

John 4:1-20 – WOMAN AT THE WELL

(TELL THE STORY, DON’T READ THE STORY.  ONLY READ VERSE 16)

16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” 19 The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. 

ESV

Introduction:  We began our year off with the Theme NO FEAR…Now it is one thing to have a Theme another thing to Live The Theme of that Year…

One of the things I took note of from March to June…The Presence of God in each of those services along with the Baptisms…was resolving issues and problems we have tried to counsel people through for years…

  • MAKE NO MISTAKE WE NEED ENCOUNTERS WITH GOD’S PRESENCE
  • YET WE ALSO NEED DISCIPLESHIP
  • IT’S NOT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER…IT IS BOTH / AND

Gen Z has another slang word I want to use as my title today…

Title:  “BAE – Baby or Before Anyone Else”

10 BAE COMMANDMENTS  

  1. GOD IS BAE ABOVE EVERY OTHER BAE 
  2. BIBLE OVER BAE ER’DAY 
  3. BAE CAN’T STAY IF BAE ONLY PLAY 
  4. BAE DON’T GET TO BE BAE RIGHT AWAY 
  5. DON’T LAY WITH BAE UNTIL YOUR WEDDING DAY 
  6. BAE NEEDS BOUNDARIES 
  7. BAE AIN’T BAE IF BAE DON’T PRAY 
  8. BAE AIN’T BAE JUST FOR TODAY 
  9. IF BAE CAN’T WAIT FOR SEX, THEN BAE NEEDS TO BECOME YOUR EX 
  10. 10.DON’T DATE A DIFFERENT BELIEVING BAE 

Transition:  There are some great Life and Leadership books from a Great Author I enjoy reading:  Jim Stovall…

He has a series of “The Art of” books:

  • The Art of Communication
  • The Art of Productivity
  • The Art of Listening
  • The Art of Influence
  • The Art of Presentation
  • The Art of Learning
  • And Several More in the Series…

So in Line with That Idea…I want talk to You for a Few Moments about the Art of the Fight…

Now Remember we are learning to Fight for not Fight with our Family…

The Woman at the Well and Jesus engage in this Art of Relationships…

Now what I like about this Woman at the Well is she has given up on Marriage, but she hasn’t given up on Relationship…she’s living with a 6th guy…so don’t beat her up too bad with our criticism…we don’t know what she’s been through…but we know she is still hungry for relationship.  

  1. Art of Knowing
    1. 1Peter 3:7 says, “husbands dwell with her according to knowledge…”
      1. Now here me this verse is for the inverse as well…Wives dwell with him according to knowledge.
    2. In New Testament Greek there are two words for Knowing or knowledge
      1. This particular word means = Progressive knowing or progressive knowledge
      2. It is where you are forever a student…
        1. In boxing the first few rounds it doesn’t look like much is happening…it is because they are studying the opponent.
      3. In marriage you are a forever student of the Person whom you love…
      4. You are never the Professor, but always the student…
        1. One you think you are a professor…you stop studying…you stop being inquisitive…you stop the Progression of Learning….
    3. Some need to Study; While others have a need to Be studied
      1. If you want to be studied…make yourself interesting…intriguing.  
      2. Have you ever studies “watching grass grow” or “watching Paint dry” …there is no mystery, intrigue, excitement…
    4. The entire Purpose we continue to Date our Spouses is to continue to know them…
      1. Who they are now…not who they were…
      2. We don’t date to put on our best behavior for 3 hours pretending to be someone we aren’t…we date to discover who are they know…
        1. What are their interest
        2. What are their fears
        3. Where are they hurt…
        4. What are their feelings and how do they feel…?
        5. Why do they shut down…?

Transition:  Funny when I first met Jonna, she was the quiet, proper, organized, introvert…first time she remembers meeting me…I was on the roof of a car outside of a Pizza Inn, yelling at some guys across a parking lot…listening to music so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think…

33 years later…you’re more apt to see that picture in reverse…there is a better chance of Jonna standing on a car…than me.

The woman at the well-studied Jesus and Jesus studied her…

  1. The Art of Listening
    1. In boxing…as in marriage Listening is so critical…
      1. If you listen to the crowd in boxing…you’ll get knocked out…
      2. Your trained to listen to those in your corning…
      3. Are you convinced your spouse is in your corner?  
    2. We talk a lot about Communication…but I promise you…LISTENING is more important than speaking….
      1. Even when I teach Prayer…I tell you the first act of Prayer…is Listening. 
    3. Listening is an art…it is intentional…it requires effort
      1. Ask Questions
        1. What do you mean by that…inquisitively, not accusatory?
        2. Funny you can get a PHD through our educational systems and never have to take a course in Listening…SAD…
        3. Listening works in marriages, children and in business…
        4. Hear this statement:  “the one who is asking the questions, is the one controlling the conversation.” 
      2. Listen to Non-verbal communication….
        1. Listen to body language…
        2. Listen for tone…
        3. Listen to facial expressions…
    4. Sooner or later, You’re Going to Listen and either way you’ll pay for it….
      1. You’ll pay a counselor…and they in 15 minutes will tell you what your spouse has been saying for years
      2. If you don’t listen, you’ll pay an attorney in court to divide all your stuff up…
      3. If you don’t listen…your kids will pay the price…

Transition:  The woman at the well had being paying a price for so many years…but on this day…she decided to Listen…to Listen to Jesus…

  1. Art of Waiting
    1. Genesis says “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his spouse…” 
      1. Another verse that is for the inverse…but like 1 Peter 3…it is the man’s responsibility to take the lead…
      2. It’s not a scripture women get to use as a weapon…to command their husbands to cleave to them…while they stay with all these unhealthy attachments to her mom and dad…
      3. This leaving and cleaving is a process…it is filled with frustration…it requires Waiting
    2. Jesus waited all day for this woman to come to the well…
      1. Listen to me…a waiting man is a man who hasn’t given up yet…
    3. If your spouse is waiting on you are you making them wait longer than they should have too
      1. It’s one thing to wait on someone getting ready…but it is another thing…while you’re waiting they aren’t progressing
      2. When Jonna is getting ready to go somewhere…I will walk in periodically and simply check on her…every time she will misread what I’m doing and say:  “Are you trying to rush me…” I say NO…she doesn’t believe me…but I don’t care…I’m checking simply to see are we making progress…I can’t wait a long time…if I’m seeing Progress…
      3. It’s hard to wait and you’re not seeing any change…
    4. Listen to me…
      1. Some of you need to pick up the pace of your getting ready…
      2. You that are waiting don’t give up….

Transition:  I have people come to me and say…Pastor I’m just so tired of waiting, waiting on Change in my spouse…then I ask how long have y’all been married…when they answer I want to say:  “Girl you ain’t been married long enough yet to be tired.” 

  1. The Art of Forgiving
    1. A healthy marriage and a strong marriage are found in Constant Forgiveness…
      1. Forgiving each other for failures…mistakes…
      2. Listen here…don’t call a failure a mistake…it’s insulting to the person you failed. 
    2. You have to forgive your spouse for continuing to love you the same way they loved you in the last season of your life…
      1. You’re growing in your relationship…
      2. Some have digressed in your relationship…
      3. Are you still loving that person the way you use to or has it grown in a healthy way over the years…?
    3. Can you Forgive Each Other….
    4. The “Disciples Prayer” say:  
      1. Forgive us as we forgive others….
      2. We are actually praying to God…will you forgive me…the exact same way I have forgiven my spouse…or forgiven someone else…
      3. NOTHING frustrated me more on this planet…to have watched someone be forgiven so much by God or someone…and then watch them withhold forgiveness…

Transition:  This woman at the Well not only forgave others…but on this visit with Jesus, she forgave herself…

Someone here today…You need to forgive yourself….

  1. The Art of Openness
    1. Jesus spoke with this woman at the well until she began to open up…
    2. I recall back in the day when I was sick and I would go get all these tests…
      1. The dr. would always say…”now relax” and of course I would get tense…I would tighten up to prepare for what was coming…I’d even flinch because I knew it was going to hurt…
      2. Often times in marriage we live Flinched because we’ve been hurt…it takes a long time to stop flinching….
      3. Give you an example…
        1. Taking of Blood…when I was so sick for so many years…they’d have to take blood all the time and it was really bad if I was in the hospital….every time they would say, Relax…and I’d get tense or flinch….
        2. Then I learned a technique…stare at a picture or a spot on the wall when it is happening…
        3. That worked but I wasn’t in the moment, I wasn’t present…
    3. Openness Takes Intentional / Conscientious Effort
      1. You have to tell yourself
        1. Be in the Moment
        2. Keep our perspective open
        3. Be present
        4. Engage the Conversation
        5. Listen
        6. Put down the defenses…
      2. DON’T FLINCH
    4. If you aren’t open, they can only have the shell you once were…
    5. You know God can’t even speak to heart that isn’t open…
    6. The purpose for the worship service is for us to Open Our Hearts
      1. To God
      2. To His Presence
      3. To His Mercy / Grace
      4. To His Word

Transition:  One of the largest tragedies of the Fall of Man is we became closed off to God and Each Other….

Genesis say, “they (Adam and Eve) were naked and not ashamed…”  

  • Yes, they were without close…
  • But they were also Open to each other…
  1. Closing
    1. BAE – Before Anyone Else….
      1. Hear me this is a dangerous statement…because honestly…if Jesus isn’t before anyone else…it is hard for that person to become and be all God intended them to be…
    2. If you are going to have a healthy marriage…If they are truly going to be Your BAE…
    3. There is an ART to IT…

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