Family Fight Round 6: Rules of the Ring

What an honor to be sharing this series with you…Family Fight Round 6 “Fighting For vs. Fighting With Your Family.”

Title:  Rules of the Ring 

Now please let me add a disclaimer…The Gibson’s haven’t arrived when it comes to Family.  To be completely honest with you, I get real nervous teaching on subjects such as these because I’m afraid you’ll make assumptions that are completely untrue…or worse compare your family to ours for that matter, someone else’s, as if they have it all together and yours isn’t.  We are all on a journey together to figure out how to Fight For vs. Fighting With our Families.

Today is going to be very instructional and maybe not so inspirational or theoretical if that is okay.

Most books and messages I read and hear on the Family leave me feeling a bit inadequate and overwhelmed or ultimately a frustrated failure.  Through this series You’re going to hear honesty…

Have you ever felt as if your family was a little chaotic or frantic?  If so, You’re in the Right Place

Neh 4:10-14, 10 Then Judah said, “The strength of the laborers is failing, and there is so much rubbish that we are not able to build the wall.” 11 And our adversaries said, “They will neither know nor see anything, till we come into their midst and kill them and cause the work to cease.” 12 So it was, when the Jews who dwelt near them came, that they told us ten times, “From whatever place you turn, they will be upon us.” 13 Therefore I positioned men behind the lower parts of the wall, at the openings; and I set the people according to their families, with their swords, their spears, and their bows. 14 And I looked, and arose and said to the nobles, to the leaders, and to the rest of the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.” NKJV

  1. God’s Strategy
    1. Nehemiah was trying to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem, so the City and Country could be Protected from its enemies…
    2. God gave Nehemiah a strategy
      1. Among all the threats
      2. The distractions
  • In an atmosphere filled with Impossibilities and Fear…
  1. God clues Nehemiah in on the Key to victory…It’s The Family
    1. From the very beginning of Genesis God wanted Family and Put Humanity in Families…
    2. Ps 68:6, 6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. NKJV
  • Eph 3:14-15, 14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named ESV
  1. We typically only think of the Family that is here…but God is concerned about His Family in Heaven and those on Earth.
  2. God’s answer to Humanities trouble was, is, and will be Family…
    1. When God was ready to bring Salvation…He didn’t send a Servant…He didn’t send a No Named Person…
    2. God Sent His Son…
      1. Only a Family member can resolve and fix some things…
      2. We had a lot of great people through the Bible…but it takes a member of the Family to Save the Whole Family…A Son, Jesus.

The word family is mentioned 123 times in 76 verses of scripture…yet the concept, idea and expression of family is mentioned 1,000s of times in the bible…and in most cases as a mess since Adam and Eve’s sin, then the sibling rivalry between their children.

  1. Rules of the Ring
    1. At the beginning of every fight someone stands in the ring and gives the rules or tells us the rules were explained to the combatants in their dressing rooms…then they will reiterate a few of the most important rules of the fight in the ring, so hopefully no one gets an ear bitten off.
      1. God gives us some rules for the family…
      2. Your individual family will have rules that other families may not…(that doesn’t make you right or wrong)
  • Rules for your family may be different for other members of your extended family…
  1. What are Your Family Rules?
    1. This is something you have to answer…I’ll just give a warning…scripture has a few things to say about this and I’d encourage you to seek it out…
    2. Children obey your parents…Ephes.6:1
  • Parents don’t provoke your children…also in Ephesians
  1. “Train up a child in the way they should go…”
  2. Etc…there are many others that I’d encourage you to figure out.
  • Core Values
    1. Family Values
      1. These rules of the ring for your family comes from Your Set and Lived Out Values
      2. Every election season Candidates will tout they are all for Family Values…
  • May I ask…what are Family Values? May I challenge you with your Family Values…I’m not talking about…
    1. Aspirational Values – these are values that are desirable but honestly not true
    2. Permission to Play Values – these are universal desirable traits like honesty, integrity and fairness. These are important but honestly, they have become generic and represent a minimum standard of behavior…
  1. Core Values of a Christian Families
    1. This family will be led by God’s Word and will be a home that honors Jesus
    2. We in this house go to church…I think Christians still go to church?
  • Honor
  1. Dignity and Sanctity of Life
  2. Faith
  3. Honesty – as one person said, we don’t do thieves and liars at our house…well would any Christian Family?
  • Respect – this use to be a Christian Family value
    1. Respecting elders
    2. Respecting authorities
    3. Respecting each other
    4. Respecting humanity
  • Responsible to yourself and For the Family…
    1. When my boys were hitting that pre-teen age period of life, we had a family meeting…
    2. I drew three circles on a poster board that were separated and located in different places on the board
    3. Then I wrote four names in the circles…
      1. The center Circle was mom and dad
      2. One outer circle was Trey
      3. The other outer circle was Corey
    4. None of the circles were touching or had common space that was shared…
    5. Then I explained…right now this is what our home looks like and it is coming to an end today…we are going to find common ground and bring our circles together.
    6. I did that by asking a series of questions:
      1. How do you want to be treated by us as Parents?
      2. How do you want to be treated by each other?
      3. How do you think mom and I want to be treated by you?
      4. How do you think your brother desires to be treated?
      5. How are we going to resolve our conflicts?
    7. The answers to these questions became our common ground.
  1. Here are some themes we used that may help you:
    1. Our lives are centered around faith and church…don’t confuse the two please.
    2. Maximize the time we spend with our boys
      1. Notice I said, Maximize the Time…
      2. We were busy while our boys were growing up…so we made the decision that if we had family time…We Maximized that Time.
  • We nurture Family-like relationships with friends
    1. Our extended families didn’t live close and haven’t since we started ministry…
    2. So, we have adopted many parents, and the boys adopted many grandparents over the years

If I just took out Core Christian Values…then what are Family Values and More Importantly What Are Your Families Values

  1. Your Family Uniqueness
    1. Within the idea that we are part of God’s family…what makes your segment of that family Unique? How are you building the Wall of Society that Protects from the Enemies that are threatening the Family and Faith for that matter…
    2. Now let me be clear, this will be different for each family, and one isn’t right and the other wrong…
    3. Example of ours:
      1. As part of the Gibson Family, we are an affectionate family that encourages emotional and verbal expression. We practice compassion and treating others with care. We value humor, laughter, and silliness.  We are passionate and focused in our pursuits.  We surround ourselves with friends and family that share a dependability, common interests and whom I trust.
    4. These things are what makes our family unique…it might not be your deal…
      1. Fun, laughter, silliness may annoy you
      2. Vacations and get a way time…may be to you only for the retired…not us.
    5. In our jobs and hobbies (games, travel, ministry, career, etc.)
      1. They must provide a level of fulfillment.
      2. We must be passionate about them, or we won’t do them…
    6. Next Question You Need to Wrestle With is:
      1. What is our family’s most important priority right now?
      2. How do you determine that answer…?
        1. Ask the right questions: “If we accomplish just one thing as a family before Christmas, what would that be?”
        2. IF there was one thing about our family that needs to be different by Christmas, what would that be?
  • What is it that we need to accomplish by Christmas to say, “this was a very successful ending to 2024?”
  1. Here’s the deal, limit yourself to one primary answer…
    1. If you watch any boxing, the person in the corner will always say something like…”keep your hands up and wait for your opening.”
    2. He’s not giving him fifty things to think about…
  • I coached little league for years and I’d hear parents in the bleachers giving their child batting instructions…I’m an experienced ball player and couldn’t keep up with all that…
  1. Secondly in this area…give yourself a realistic time frame with these “Right Now Priorities”
    1. 2 – 6 months tops…
  2. Examples:
    1. Over the next 6 months we are potty training John Boy
    2. Sometimes we’ll say things like…we need to revamp our finances for retirement and John Boy’s college…that is too broad…
      1. Do this…over the next 2-4 months we are going to significantly reduce our day-to-day expenses.
    3. Closing
      1. Scripture says in Habakkuk “write the vision, make it plain so they that read it can run with it.”
      2. In other words, what’s the vision for your family?
      3. What is the design?
      4. Is it spelled out so that kids can understand it?
      5. Then Work the Plan…Run With It.

 

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