Family Fight 6: Part 3- The Fight is Real

Today I want to address the subject of The Structure of the Family as God intended.  We live in a world that is rewriting everything, especially what it means to be human, male, female and family.  So, we must ask ourselves, as believers, do we embrace what the World says a Family is to be or what God’s design for family is to be.  See I think God should be the center of everything, so it stands to reason that God should take center stage in our families and do so in “more than name only.”  Often, we say, God is the Center of it All, especially our family, but then Godly values, priorities and responsibilities are rarely demonstrated in our family.

Many have lost hope in a God-Centered family due to the pain of their current family situation as well as their past experiences. So, if you’d allow me, I want to share with you what God says about a Family, a God-Centered Family Structure.  Now this will push against the mental and social constructs we have built in our minds either from failure to see it or to experience it…

My concern is we are lacking Leadership in the Ring of our Homes.  Now before you shout me down, I have come to the conclusion that we lack leadership in the Home because we lack the proper structure.

Scripture Text:  If you’ll turn in your FireBible, I’ll walk you through the constructs of a God-Centered Family found in Ephesians 5:22 – 6:3

  1. Structure Found in the Text
    1. In the text we see the structure spelled out to us…we see this in Genesis as well…
    2. God first or what I like to say is CENTER.
    3. Then the Father
    4. Then the Mother
    5. Then the Children
    6. Listen this is the structure whether you have been divorced or in your first and only marriage…
  2. Defining the Structure
    1. God is first, foremost and center.
      1. You cannot have a healthy family if God is not first.
      2. He is the foundation upon which a family should be built and established.
        1. We see this in a parable in Matthew’s gospel with the two men who built homes
        2. One built on sand…which is the world’s system, ideas, thoughts, and opinions of how marriage and family should look…so when I say world, let me break it down…your friends and sometimes your unsaved family… that is always shifting and moving like sand.
        3. The other man builds His home on a solid rock foundation…this is a picture of a home, a family, built on God and the Principles and Values laid out in His Word.
      3. Then the Father
        1. The bible is clear…the husband is the Head of the Home
          1. That isn’t a title
          2. It isn’t a position…
          3. It is a responsibility…
          4. When it is your responsibility, you set the rest of the house up for success…
          5. When it is your responsibility, you go last…because Leaders Eat Last, they are not the first in the line…
        2. According to God’s model, the father is the husband, provider, protector, and mentor. He is the Leader and Spiritual Head of the Household.
  • God’s structure is the man is to be the husband to his wife…
  1. A provider to and for her…now I know all you ladies are like, “I make my own money”, but wouldn’t you like to have a husband that brings in some more…
  2. Protector – being a protector is both for when you are present and teaching them to protect themselves when they are not with you…
  3. Mentor – men we need to invest in the mentorship of the next generation, so we are raising boys and girls, but we are also raising young men and young ladies who know how to be men of God and women of God
  • Men, being Head of the Home, means you take RESPONSIBILITY…not that you do it.
    1. I’m told I’m responsible for what goes on around here…so I have the responsibility to set the organization up for success as the Lord leads us…
      1. Responsibility comes with challenges and privileges…
      2. Because I’m responsible I could insulate myself from all the challenges…but by doing that I just relinquished my authority that responsibility gives me.
      3. So as men, you can, it is in your power to insulate yourself from trouble, heartache, pain, and responsibility…but if you do…you lose the privileges responsibility brings and the authority.
    2. But ladies here me, you have to allow your men to grow into this role of responsability….as the Spiritual head of the house…
    3. To take spiritual responsibility in the home is to know your gifts, your talents and those of your families…then maximize those gifts of the collective family so you can all follow Jesus.
    4. Men you lead the way in attending Church, in teaching the principles of Godly honor, by allowing your kids to see you honoring your wife…honor intentionally…
    5. Men please learn to pray…dear gravy, I’m tired of men abdicating prayer to their wives…practice while you’re driving to Work…turn classic rock off or country music off or the news and sports channel off…and by yourself practice and learn how to talk to God out loud.
    6. Then Ladies, let him demonstrate what He has learned. GIVE HIM GRACE
    7. He cannot grow into a great leader in the home when he has a weak or overbearing wife behind him fighting for his position.
  1. Then the Wife
    1. The mother, the supporter, the nurturer, she provides emotional and spiritual support to her family.
    2. The Support – to aid, to support, to lift up and not destroy…
      1. Solomon said it best, “A woman can build a house, but she also has the power to tear it down.”
      2. We have to be careful that we aren’t tearing down what we are attempting to build up…
      3. You give spiritual support to your family and your home…to your kids and husband.
      4. Children are often referred to as Offspring – to spring off or to spring from…if you’re not happy with your children’s values, behaviors and speech…might want to investigate where they are springing from.
  • To train up a child is to encourage them to Grow and Go…not Grow and Stay!
  1. Children
    1. The bible has a lot to say about our children and children as a whole…
    2. I recently read an article and it said…In 1968, NASA hired Dr. George Land and Beth Jarman to develop a test that could measure the creative potential of NASA’s scientists and engineers. They came up with a test for divergent thinking, which is the ability to look at a particular problem and propose multiple solutions. This test had no right answers but required test-takers to come up with as many ideas as possible.

The test worked well for NASA’s purposes, but it left Land and Jarman with a bunch of new questions. They had spent a lot of time researching creativity in order to develop this test. They were now wondering — why are some people more creative than others? Where does creativity come from?

The researchers decided to give the same test to 1,600 children between the ages of 4 and 5. The results shocked them. A full 98 percent of those children fell into the genius category of imagination! They then waited five years and gave the test again to those same children when they were ten years old. Now only 30 percent of them qualified as creative geniuses. By the time the kids were fifteen, the number had dropped to 12 percent.

Finally, Land and Jarman gave their test to 280,000 adults and found that a mere 2 percent of them qualify as creative geniuses. “What we have concluded,” wrote Land, “is that non-creative behavior is learned.”1

All children are naturally creative. Our job is not to cultivate their creativity, but to refrain from crushing it. “Thus Ephesians 6 says, ‘Do not provoke your children unto wrath…’” so if I could paraphrase…don’t kill their creativity. 

  • We accomplish that by not telling kids that their interests aren’t worth pursuing.
  • We don’t chastise them for coloring the grass blue.
  • They are free to make up elaborate imaginary scenarios
  • Invent their own games
  • Tinker with everything they see, as children naturally do.
    • You may ask Pastor how does this have anything to do with Train up a Child…Oh the list is long but here is the short of it…As divergent scores have been tracked over the last 50 years we have discovered that children who score well are much more likely to end up in creative professions, such as entrepreneurs, inventors, authors, doctors and diplomats…
  1. To Train our Children in the way they should GO is a huge responsibility…because there is so much to this…
    1. You have to teach, train and give instruction in differentiating between right and wrong
    2. The right path appropriate for them
  • Instruction in social norms of behavior.
  1. Next week I’m going to dive deeper into this with some practicals to really help in this arena…

 

  • Some Core Principles
    1. A man needs a woman in his life if he is going to be the best version of himself to himself and to the world, he is called to serve…
      1. When Adam was in the garden before Eve, Adam had this huge environment and all he had was vegetation and animals…
      2. Each day before Eve, Adam probably talked to plants, animals, and possibly God…
  • It’s funny because I find mankind today are more friendly to animals than we are to other humans.
  1. To be a better human you don’t need pets…you need other humans in your life…we NEED COMMUNITY
  2. Ladies a man needs a helper not an instigator.
  1. “Gen 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV)

 

  1. “Fit for him…” not every one is a fit for you and not every man is a fit for you…
  2. You need someone who understands you and gets you…not who wants to change you into the image they have for you…
  • Just cause she’s a woman doesn’t make her wife material…just cause he’s a man that doesn’t make him husband material.
  1. You need a spouse who puts God first, even before you…
    1. Now notice I said, God…
    2. Not church
    3. Not religion or religious things
    4. But put trust in God…
    5. “Trust in the Lord will all of your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.”

 

  1. Men are not born Fathers…they are born male…they need to be mentored into Fatherhood…
    1. Their mentors are Fathers and Mothers…
    2. But their mentor is also their wife…
  • Ladies we need you in our lives…
  1. Jonna makes me better…how I handle her, care for her, FORGIVE her, makes me better.
  1. Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her…(NKJV)
    1. Two roles are spoken about in Ephesians…
    2. Husbands love your wives unconditionally…because sometimes your wife drives you nuts…just like church folks will drive you nuts…because we don’t understand one another at times…
  • Josh 1:9 – be strong and full of courage…to fight every day for a healthy and strong family.
  1. These verses in Ephesians are speaking about different roles but equal respect and responsibility within those roles….
  1. Let me Illustrate this
    1. Call up a family with Children….!
    2. THE STRUCTURE GAP…what are you going to do about it…
  2. Altar
    1. If this message was for you today and there is a STRUCTURAL GAP in your marriage…I want you to stand.

 

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